A paradox is a seemingly absurd or contradictory statement and it plays a vital role in most seductions.

If there’s one thing apart from not approaching women in the first place, that trips most guys up it is the yes/no paradox, so let’s look at it closely so we can be sure that you don’t get caught out. It breaks down like this:

You Need To Let A Woman Verbally Say “NO” To You Whilst She Is Non-Verbally Saying “YES”

Confused? You shouldn’t be if you’ve been paying close attention to other points that I’ve been making throughout this website. Let’s recap on some of those points:


1. Women convey more information non-verbally than they do verbally.

AND

2. Women are scared

Any potential sexual encounter will bring with it a shadow of vulnerability for both parties. For the guy (if he’s doing the approaching) there’s the chance he may get rejected. For the girl (if she’s being approached) there’s the chance he may deem her to be too “easy” or even a “slut.” (N.B. These aren’t the only two areas of vulnerability but I don’t want to stray too far from the point.)


It’s this shadow of vulnerability which on many occasions takes what could be a straightforward transaction and turns it into something complicated.


So how does this vulnerability (or “being scared”) play out in a seduction scenario? Simple: a woman will want to appear to be rejecting some or all of your advances so that you never get to a point where you think she’s “easy”  BUT at the same time, if there’s an initial spark of attraction, then she’ll also want to keep you on the leash.


How does she do this? She lets you know non-verbally (via body language and tone of voice) that she’s interested whilst she’s telling you verbally that she isn’t.


So once again, you need to pay very close attention to how she’s saying things as well as to what she’s saying.


There’s a big difference between:

“No” (and I really mean “no) and;

“No” (but ask me again in half an hour)


The words used are the same but the tone of voice in each scenario will be entirely different.

I need to stress a key point here: that of CONGRUENCE. The “Yes/No” Paradox is all about picking up on the incongruencies between what she’s saying and how she’s saying it. It’s all part of the continuing dance. If however she’s telling you “no” in a hostile or cold tone of voice and her body language is closed, then there is congruency between what she’s saying and how she’s saying it. DON’T continue pressing your suit in this scenario: that will be just straight harassment or even rape if you take it too far]


But back to the Yes/No Paradox.


Don’t be discouraged if a woman says “no” to your advances whilst everything else about her whilst she’s around you seems to be saying “yes.” Just continue being you and doing what you’re doing until she’s said “no” enough to satisfy herself that she’s been no easy conquest. Eventually she’ll come around to yes/yes.

OR

You may find a situation where she is really stringing things out and you need to make a judgement call. Playing “hard to get” can get out of hand and comes about when either party isn’t sufficiently attuned to the other’s body language or they’re into game playing to cover up some insecurity or another.


You need to decide in this scenario whether you want to persist. Be prepared NOT to persist. Sometimes if she gets an inkling that you may no longer be interested in the chase and about to move on, then she’ll drop all pretence and make herself available. This is basically combating “hard to get” with your own “hard to get”. Once again it’s about changing the dynamic of the dance to steer it in a new direction.

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